Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Time

Time likes to sneak up on you and sucker punch you when you're least expecting it.

For days I've been going through old photos of Nate and compiling them into a slideshow. I looked at them over and over without much thought, and certainly without sadness or longing.

And then today I was looking for a box of sweaters of mine that had been misplaced in the move. I'd noticed several of my favorites weren't in my closet, and I was hoping they were in a box we'd neglected to open in our rush to make the house presentable back in July before my parents came up for a visit.

I found the sweaters in the cedar closet in the basement storage room. Nestled in with my clothes, though, were a handful of Nate's fall and winter things from the coat closet. I'm not sure how his outerwear from the old entryway made it into the same box as my sweaters from two floors above, but there you go. There were the tiny hat and fleece-lined cable-knit cardigan sweater we'd run out to buy when the week he came home turned out to be unseasonably cold. The orange fleece cap with adorable little ears on top that he'd worn all fall. A cozy plaid fleece snowsuit that was too big last winter, and that I fear will be too small now.

As I turned them over in my hands, I felt the breath get sucked out of me. I've been so caught up in celebrating his first birthday and in looking at how far he's come that I've been able to push aside the concurrent melancholy at his babyhood slipping away. But this morning, in the silence of naptime, time sprung up at me from a box of sweaters. And now my heart is aching just a little.

2 comments:

Ali said...

What a sweet and precious blog entry. It hits home with me, as I am already feeling that way with the things Lila has outgrown and she is only three months old! I cherish everything- every snuggle, every hug, and every single thing "Lila," because I know how quickly things will change.

Miriel said...

Awww, I love this post. It *is* sad, and I think the heart-achy feeling is normal and natural. But you have the right approach in using that as a motivator to cherish and be grateful for the time you have with Nate now. Love you all!