Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Wow.  So the past three weeks have been a complete blur.  For the first four days after Nate was born, we were at the hospital.  For days 5-13, David was at home with me.  Days 14-18, David's mom was here.  Days 19-23 (today), my mom and sister were here.  It was a strange feeling to drop them off at the airport earlier this afternoon.  I looked in the rearview mirror at the blurry plastic "mirror" that gives me a distorted view of Nate in his rear-facing carseat and realized that we were on our own for the first time.

It's overwhelming, but also exciting.  I've LOVED having so much help these first few weeks, but you necessarily do things differently when other people are in the house.  For Nate's first post-company diaper change, I turned up the clock radio in his nursery, put my face down near his, and belted out some Taylor Swift to get him to stop crying.  Surprisingly, it worked.

I've been unable to bring myself to sleep during his long afternoon nap today, because it's far too tempting to flit around the house putting everything back in order.  I'm sure I'll need the nap tomorrow, but I just couldn't do it today.  

Nighttime is interesting.  I dread-- absolutely dread-- getting out of bed and stumbling to the nursery to feed Nate.  We had a cold snap last week, which made it all the worse to climb out from under the warm covers.  (Will I have to sleep in sweats in the winter just to make it bearable??)  But once I'm sitting in the soft light of the nursery with Nate snuggled against me, it's all somehow okay.  It's at night when I look at his tiny hands and feet and nuzzle his soft head and wish that he could stay this tiny and snuggly forever.  

Nate was baptized on Saturday.  You can read Arwen's beautiful post about the occasion here.  I thought I would be in tears throughout the baptism, but in the end I was too aware of being up in front of everyone to end up too weepy.  It was only when I turned away from our family and friends and closed my eyes to receive the mother's blessing that I finally welled up.  It's been a long road to get here, and sometimes I still can't believe this tiny, perfect little guy is with us.  What a blessing.

2 comments:

Lisa said...

Arwen did a beautiful post. I felt overcome at the Mother's blessing too. Something about struggling to get to motherhood really makes you appreciate these moments even more.

PrinceOfTheWest said...

I'm sure Ellen will soon be chiming in with more sage motherly advice, but I'll get a jump on her by passing alone one bit that I've heard her give often: with tiny ones, the prime rule is that when the baby sleeps, you sleep. Give up the idea that when the little one goes down, you can "catch up" with all the untended housework. That's a recipe for wearing yourself out and probably making you prone to sickness in the bargain. Simply caring for a newborn is like a full time job with heavy overtime. Rest at every opportunity, especially when the baby gives you a chance. Let the laundry pile up a bit, and get used to take out or freezer meals on styro dishes. David won't mind and Nate won't notice. The #1 thing you can give the little guy right now is yourself, and you can't do that if you're exhausted.

I wish we could be down there to bake you lots of bread and do your laundry for you, but we can't. Our prayers are with you!